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|Monday, September 3rd, 2007|
A lot of things have been happening and a lot of things have not happened, I am pretty much still me, I hope. So not to update on that front - but I've found more quotes so here they are:
"And let me tell you this: our higher senses are blunted. We are so drenched with material sin, that we should probably fail to recognize real wickedness if we encountered it"
- The White People, Arthur Machen
There are so many ways to interpret it, in the media, in politics, in religion, and their different ways to dilute the truth of the matter. Have we lost the sight to see true evil? Then again, we come back to: what is truly evil?
"When you look at a tree, se it for its leafs, its branches, its trunk and the roots, then and only then will you see the tree"
- Unfettered Mind, Takuan Soho
That could be one way of being able to see wickedness for what it truly is, yet still, we lack the pinpoint to describe a universal evil which all would consider the same - what is wicked and evil for one, is quite different for another. But if there were a way to perceive the whole of evil, I think close to its roots would be ignorance.
"The Way is like the edge of a razor; it is small and difficult to travel"
- Kontha Upanishads
I have reached the conclusion that my life is an adventure. Not a realistic, ritualistic or any r that would take away the the r in great! My quest involves the dangers of new friendships, low payment, taxes and acid indigestion (which will now be referred to as the great Black Dragon if it should trouble me). Hmmm, I need a Lady In The Lake to hand me my Pen of Infinite Ink and I think I am off to my Magical Realm. Note to self: Search yourself every day, make certain reality fades and your imagination takes a leap. These sweet euphoric moments are the gems of your life.
It is told of a confucian scholar, that he begged the twenty eight partriarch Bodhidharma to: "give his soul peace". The Bodhidharma answered harshly:"show it to me, and I shall give it peace". The confucian scholar answered:"That is the problem, I cannot find it". Bodhidharma answered back:"Your wish is granted". The confucian understood and left with peace in mind and spirit.
Written in a heavily drunken state:
"I mørkets lund, jeg skifter gal, vemodig jeg er elementet. Merkverdigheter, det vil si, har sånn makt som videreføres galskap av dens ødeleggelse."
For once, I have no clue to what this has to do with anything, this is a real puzzler for me :D. Good I like a good mystery.
Waves and hugs to anyone who wants one! I am easy ;)
KJ Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, September 17th, 2006|
|Hmmm...? I think I lost count..
I sort of dropped out for 11 weeks there. I am alive and kicking though, I just don't have that much on my mind. I drift around and the days seems to glide comfortably by, I wish this could continue forever, but I must start to engage everyday a bit more seriously.
The reason for scribbling today, is to leave another set of quotes and excerpts which has caught my attention. Nothing new there, huh? :)
DIFFERENT VIEW ON COMMUNION"The Papist enjoy God, the Calvinist bread and Lutherans bread with God"
- Voltaire, but excerpt taken from Egon Friedells European Cultural History Volume One.
THE SKEPTIC, IDEALIST AND REALIST"The skeptic knows all and smiles at everything. The idealist does not take the world seriously, on the other hand, the realist tells the idealist: I don't take your world perspective seriously. And the skeptic takes none of the two seriously..."
- Egon Friedell
A GOOD THOUGHT"We are the stuff that dreams are made of"
- William Shakespears Epitaph
LOGIC IN A FIREPLACE"Where there is smoke, there is fire, or has been"
THE ABSOLUTE NOTHING"Ex nihilo nihil fit - nothing comes from nothing"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ex_nihilo_nihil_fit
That was what I wanted to reflect on this time (yup, I really didn't have anything on my mind the last 11 weeks...except the obvious maybe...*scratches head*...).
Wavu and hug if you need one, I'm not difficult *wink*
Kael Current Mood: amused
|Wednesday, June 28th, 2006|
|Friday, June 9th, 2006|
|Operation 7 - long time, no see
As some might have noticed, I haven't exactly been busy here, many reasons for that - but I would like to sum it up as quality time living. I've had the chance to spend a lot of time with my family and relations. I've also started snooping around some anime forums here and there (Unruleds Vault and Download Anime).
I finished these notes for posting about two to three months ago, hope they are of interest:( Pre-hellenicCollapse )
"If need be, I would destroy the destroyer, even if the destroyer was me"
- Wastefull Kael Current Mood: content
|Sunday, March 19th, 2006|
|OPERATION 6 - LIVING NEXT DOOR TO ANNIS
OPERATION 6 - Living next door to Annis & too much white stuff keeps appearing...
The Chapter of Ancient People and Goddess Cults (Crete and Pre-hellenic Europa pt. 2)"The Great Goddess was depicted wearing a flounced gown suspended from her slim waist, round which a girdle is clasped. The upper part of the body is bare, and she has enormous breasts. Sometimes she stands on a mountaintop, guarded by two great lions, and sometimes she is seated beside trees or plants. In addition to her lions, her wild animals include the wild goat, the horned sheep, the bull, the red deer, the snake, and the dove; and among the symbols associated with her are the horns of the bull, the double axe, the sacred pillar, the moon crescent, and a wand or staff. She was apparently a Goddess of death, battle, fertility and the chase. Offerings were made to her in a mountain-cave she was supposed to inhabit......The original mother was worshiped and propitiated because she was feared. She was the Fate who measured the lives of men, who sent disasters as well as blessings, and associate of lions and snakes as well as doves and deer."
This is the basis which the Mother Goddess is described as in the beginning - further we will look at aspects which was "inherited" by myths, Goddesses and legends. This passage though, made me reflect a lot on the tarot deck - although I knew that tarot was steeped with ancient religion and myths - I can more clearly "see" what the different cards have come to represent (Goddess, Strength, wands etc).
Here are some bloodthirsty women which my book compares with the ancient earth Goddess, although not Goddesses, it's myth from England. Black Annis is from England I believe and Yellow Muilearteach is believed to be Gaelic (do not confuse with vegetable...lol). The first poem here is about Black Annis home, and that she lurks in the oak tree and kills all who tries to enter...( more stuff..seriously...Collapse )
This was written in early February, pictures taken a bit later in February and early March, but, due to me joining some anime forums, it's been gathering a bit dust. The forum which I've spent most time with is www.unruledsvault.com scribbling on anime soundtracks and anime.
Hugs by the following:
Kjell -- [adjective]:Pretentiously academian
Kaeljohnsen -- [adjective]:Extremely extreme! Current Mood: creative
|Sunday, February 26th, 2006|
|OP 5 Me & Lanscape
Me and my naginata! :)
I've started to practice again, and I am using a jumping rope to get a higher dexterity and flexibility in my technique.
The rest of the LJ is landscape pictures:( LandscapeCollapse )
Hopefully the next operation will contain the already written notes from Pre-Hellenic Europa,
Hugs and peace
Kael Current Mood: accomplished
|Tuesday, February 21st, 2006|
|Operation 4 - Notes from Pre-Hellenic Europa P.1
Well this and the next journal entries will be filled with quotes and notes which I've taken from a book about religion and myths called Crete & Pre-Hellenic Europa. For those reading, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, the quotes taken from the before mentioned book is often from various other books too."Children, to avoid approaching danger are taught to double the thumb within the hand. This was much practiced whilst the terror of witchcraft remained....It was the custom to fold the thumbs of dead persons within the hand, to prevent the power of evil spirits".
- History of Norththumberland"During a marriage among the Madigas (Telugur Pariahs), a sheep or a goat is sacrificed to the marriage posts. The sacrificer dips his hand in the blood of the animal, and impresses the blood on his palms on the wall near the door leading to the room in which the pots are kept. This is said to avert the Evil Eye"
Two things about the last statement - it made me think of Tolkien (the eye and the mark of Saruman of All Colours). The second part is that "...which the pots are...", I think this might be a type-o, and that it is the post, but not knowing the traditions of the Madigas, I fear I cannot make that assumption by "correcting" the possible error of what is written in the book."It is a worldwide superstition that by injuring footprints, you injure the foot that made them"
- The Golden Bough
This made me think of the philosophical aspect too, to injure the memory of a human, you destroy the recollection of a human."Every Weapon has its demons"
- Old Gaelic axiom
So be careful using your mind as a weapon...
This first part illustrated from the book the traditions handed down by our ancestors belief in mythology - rituals to ward of evil and the actions taken to do just that. This next part is an interpretation of the oldest gods and faiths: - The Palæolithic Gods were apparently half-demons also, "destroyers" as well as "preservers", "enemies of man" as well as "friends of man", "bringers of calamity" as well as "bestowers of blessings" -
One such Goddess of old was Ishtar, she was a fertility/love Goddess and at the same time the Goddess of War.
Well most of my entries forward is going to be in shambles, much like this one I fear. Sending out much happy thoughts and hugs to everyone. Things I forgot to mention was that I had a splendid time with Lieoah and Jengou when we went to Brokeback Mountain - thanks you guys, it was a wonderful day :)! I hope everything is alright with my good friend Girla as well - your a wonderful and kind person, so don't let anyone get you down *thumbs up*
K Current Mood: accomplished
|Sunday, January 22nd, 2006|
|Operation 3 - more scribble
Today is just notes and quotes:WHAT MAKES A LIE?
the truth is dependant on mindframe,
time and various outward occurrences.
For instance, at any given moment,
there are just as many truths concerning what life is
as there are people living on the planet."
- Unreasoning of Kael (aka Wasteful Kael)DEFIANCE
"I want to roar,
I want to stand on the rocks by the sea,
Let wave after wave crash over me,
The wind to howl with me
The rain to soak me,
I want to roar,
From the day of birth we were destined to struggle,
crawl, walk, run, think - like a shark,
move or die, devouring to survive,
Almost like a walking entropy,
I want to roar,
I give the finger to the struggle every morning,
Getting out of bed is my defiance,
Hear me life, I am still here,
so sit on it and spin..."
- Unreasoning of Kael on a crappy day( QuotationsCollapse )
Remember to blink, watching the screen too long will dry out your eyes, reducing your eyesight. You forget to blink when you stare at something, and the computer screen demands your stare at every given moment - so take the time to look away from the PC and blink. *Thumbs up*
Kael Current Mood: content
|Wednesday, January 18th, 2006|
|Operation 2: having the top of the morning...
This is a tag, and as you might discern from the title, one with high levels of sugar (I'll try to keep it short...). I've actually prepared a longer LJ, like I did in ye olde daze, but a tag came up, that I simply couldn't resist:
Taken in shadowy darkness of night, by means and rites unholy (actually it was morning, light outside, open tag for bored people, buut that wasn't dramatic enough) from Mercury Girl, who again had mastered the seven tiers of car-o-mancy and gathered it from Cannualiciat. Yeah, yeah, I keep saying less sugar, but...but it's so goood....sorry *worried frown on face*.If you could have a lunch with any five people (dead or alive) who would you invite and why?
4. Nietzsche, Freud or Jung (any of the three would do in this seat...)
5. David Lynch
Have a really freaky lunch and then start making the weirdest movie ever....
Edit 1 (3 seconds after posting) - no, they did not prescribe any "heavy" drugs after the appendix operation... Current Mood: bouncy
|Wednesday, January 11th, 2006|
|Field Operation 1 - Smiles and Surgery
I have finally gotten around to writing on my blog this year. Wooooh, go me! I have had the chance to play 40K, watch Narnia/Potter/movies, RPG (yayayayay) and hang around with friends. We started the re-assembly of the pantomime Mother Goose at ISS on Saturday, I had promised to help out at home on Sunday and Sunday night I was going to watch Crusade and the the latest B5-movie with Vidar.
That was the plan anyway...
further along with the plan for this week was helping with pantomime on Monday and Tuesday, practice Katori-Shinto Ryo on Wed, then help again with panto Thur,Fri and Sat (these are the days the play will be shown). Again, that was the plan...so much for plans...
The next part involves hospitals, so, if your like my brother and you don't like hospitals, don't read( smiles and surgeryCollapse )
Time for this loser to catch some snooze,
Hugs to anyone that needs one,
and another to everyone else,
Kjell Current Mood: rejuvenated
|Saturday, December 31st, 2005|
|CHAPTER 60 - THE OTHER YEAR
You are standing outside the Mansion Of Memories
It's gates are known as Past, these cannot re-entered,
You stand in the courtyard of the Present preparing for journeys,
The Paths leading away from Present is the direction the Future lie,
Depending on you, this could be several paths, a road or hidden ones,
These Paths in itself are not necessarily a Future,
But a track leading to Castles, Mansions and Manors of Memories,
You can stray from the Path if it is not the one meant for you,
But know there might be wilderness and beasts, even monsters off the beaten track,
so arm yourself with a compass, a sword and smile
all in all, try to enjoy exploring your Realm. Current Mood: crazy
|Thursday, December 29th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 59 - REFLECTIONS ON DREAMS
DREAM AND DAYDREAM
I had a dream that I was going to my debut as a stand-up comedian. I kept being afraid that my one-man-show would not be long enough and that I should try singing. The last part frightened me more, due to the fact I couldn't remember a single song. As I was about to enter the stage, I woke up.( daydreamCollapse )
Now I could claim that this was something that just came to me, but I would be lying. I have seen shows of Bill Hicks lately, so some of stems from there.
But the true reflection on dream and daydream is as follows, I am two days away from standing on my own (read: I quit my work come New Years). I am naturally nervous, I realize I have to do something "more" for my one-man-show to work, so I decide singing would be an alternative.( more reflectingCollapse )
Freud's Interpretations Of Dreams never quite sat right with me, but I keep coming around to his thinking. Maybe I should look into other works on dream interpretations. It is always nice to have a chat with my subconscious once in a while.
Hugs from the both of us
Kael Current Mood: crazy
|Wednesday, December 28th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 58 - BOOK INVENTORY
I had too much fun listing books yesterday, so, I am doing it again to-day. Here is the sum of my owned and read books (yes, I am easy to please....):( books so farCollapse )
If you add this list to the list unread books from last post, you have my complete library. About 80 percent of these books have been acquired and read the last five years - so it has been a heavy increase in reading from my part.
I hope I get to become a librarian someday...hmmm, listing books is fun....
K Current Mood: accomplished
|Tuesday, December 27th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 58 - BOOKSES, LOTS AND LOTS...
Most of this entry will be under the "tag", due to the amount of titles listed. If your a book nut like I've grown into - feel free to leave a comment.
First one was snagged from Lieoah:( BooksCollapse )
These are the titles I have in my shelf which I am going to read...sometime...I will, truly! (and yes, I read dictionaries). ( Unread BooksCollapse )
I have quite a read in front of me.........
Kael Current Mood: accomplished
|Monday, December 26th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 57 - OPERATION XMAS CONCLUDED...
LESSEE OPERATION XMAS LIST:
Eat until I am shameful (x)
Eat too much candy and snacks (x)
Get fabulous presents (x)
Give fabulous presents (?)
Getting family to smile, even if they are stressed (x)
Sent bothersome and gen-ki Xmas sms (x)
See lots and lots of anime (x)
Practice Katori Shinto Ryu (x; yay, I haven't been lazy...)
Help out around the house (x)
Read a book (x)
Hang out on the net (x)
Sleep too little (x)
Play an old computer game, Total Annihilation Kingdoms(x)
PREZZIEZ (which I am very, very pleased with this year):
Cd-archive boxes, home-made cutting board, lasagna form, car/trinket box (from nephews)
HP Photosmart with extra memory for 156 digital pictures (mom and bro)
Norwegian book on mythology (sis and husband)
Kitchen tool set for exotic foods (other sis and husband)
Bassett's Winegum, Bill Hicks Live DVD, Ran DVD, Sword In The Moon DVD, three I Ching coins, The List Of Seven by Mark Frost (Vidar/Heidi/Lise/Pandora team)
Across the Nightingale Floor by Lian Hearn (Rosland family)
Excel Saga OST 2 (Linda)
If I have forgotten anything - gomenasai.
SUGAR - BAD OR GOOD
Usually mom purchase too much candy - this year her back hurt, so I did the Xmas food/candy/snacks shopping. We have less candy than usual - buuuut, it's all a bit too gooooooooood (this year there isn't any candy I wouldn't want myself....). I seem to be super-happy all the time, so I am considering cutting down on the sugar, then again, I am having waaaaaay too much fun to stop right now - I'll give it a couple of days...
DA XMAS GRUB
We had veal with mushroom sauce and potatoes for Xmas dinner. For dessert we had rice-cream (probably called something else in Inglese, buuut - whattaheck...) with strawberry sauce. Hehehe, after the dessert (which I made), I got an order for next years Xmas dinner - my special pizza (YAY-YAY-YAY-YAY!). Let's see if they remember that promise next year...;)
SUBCONsCIOUs food REPENTING?
I found my bandy stick recently and I REALLY want to play again - hmmm, I wonder if the school-teachers still play afterhours on the school. I am also considering jogging (shudder-shudder, this is sooo boring compared to bandy....).
Well, one successfully stuffed and over sugared Kael signing off,
Huuuuugs Current Mood: chipper
|Thursday, December 22nd, 2005|
|CHAPTER 56 - XMAS QUIZ
When I saw this, I just had to take it (easy questions though..):
You're Special Agent Dale Cooper. You're often too
brilliant for people to really follow, but your
infectious enthusiasm makes up for the fact
that you're frequently incomprehensible. You
are smart, intuitive, clear-headed,
compassionate, and cute as hell -- about your
only flaw is your insane coffee consumption. Which Twin Peaks character are you? brought to you by Quizilla
This is another one I have been wanting to take for a while - I am a total mythos-horror fan:
Oh Great Cthulhu!
I have been an extremely assiduous devotee this year.
Last week, I rescued mercury_girl from being sacrificed (-200 points). In June, I exposed batman_69 to soul-rending horrors (250 points). Yesterday, I rammed a ship into you (sorry Cthulhu!) (-1000 points). In August, I stopped blackkitten007 from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points). In January, I wore an Elder Sign (-10 points). In July, I fed silverwolf82 to a Shoggoth (250 points).
In short, I have been very bad (-730 points) and deserve to be left to whimper as my mind shatters before the vision of your greatness.
Your humble and obedient servant, kaeljohnsen
Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!
Hahahahahahahahhhh. The Lovecraft fanatic in me is much amused...
Have to go practice some cuts,
Kael Current Mood: crazy
|Saturday, December 17th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 55 - DEATH FROM ABOVE?
The title this time is not very serious. The term death from above is from Mechwarrior (giant fighter robots) and means an attack from above where you let gravity do it's work with your big flying robot.
The reason it made my title is that I made a snow-angel with a sword (I was training again, there was snow around - I had a bit of fun). Yes, bokken leaves impressions in the snow. I have an armed snow-angel in the driveway....yeah I lost it...fear my l33t angels snowballs...
I tried training barefoot in the snow - brrrrr....I can't fathom the people who sit under waterfalls in the winter and try to concentrate for hours - I could barely walk around for fifteen minutes. My toes started getting numb so I got worried and went inside.
Although my toes might protest the logic in training in the snow, my technique is picking itself up again.
NOT SO HAPPY THINGS
I have been experiencing a lot of mood-swings during the different hours of the day lately. I go from fury to laughter far too easily. But the anger remains, just under the surface. When I am alone, I reflect on the situation I am in and I just want to rage.
Well, I could probably bitch and moan over how horrible it all is, but I wont change the fact that it has happened. I have to move on, like water, let the anger dissipate and learn to never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, trust like I used too. Plus, to never, ever, EVER, give my loyalty away so cheap. I just hope I learned my lesson this time around.
Due to the stress, I have started singing (not a good sign actually...) on "det snør".
"Det Snør, Det Snør
Det Er Deet Det Gjør
Nå Snør Det Mye Mer Enn Før
Det Er Deet Det Gjøør" (el. hutte-mei-tuuu)
"It Snows, It Snows
That's Whaat It Does
It's Snowing Now Like Never Before
That's Whaat It Dooes"
When I am in a strange mood, I sing Monty Python songs or songs like these. The worst part about the song just listed here is that you can sing it over and over - and then you fancy it's starting to sound good or you do it like me, in a deep metal voice....
Hope I don't go nuts this Xmas. Hmmm, those red dressed white bearded communists wants me to drink Cola - sure, sounds fine to me - suger heaven here I come...........hmmm, which cloud did I park on again?
Kael Current Mood: crazy
|Tuesday, December 6th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 54 - OUTSIDE
"now, not tomorrow, yesterday,
not tomorrow, it happened today,
they damaged today, they fall on today,
they beat on the outside, and they stand by you now,
not tomorrow, it's happening now,
not tomorrow, it's happening now..."
- Outside, David Bowie
The snow has gone and it rained outside. Lovely, just the way I want it, Hearts Filthy Lesson hits the stereo and I reflect on my training session. I went outside in the rain barefoot and in a t-shirt, daring the elements to make me ill. I brought forth my Bokken and started the ritual of meditation. Truly a joy to practice sword in the rain.
I use my oldest tree sword for the training in the yard, an old red oak which is withered and stained by it's contact with the Norwegian weather. I have trained with it in marshes, on football stadiums, it's experienced snow and different types of rain. I have four newer Bokken, but those I use for practice with my sensei.
The beautiful rain touches my brow and old Bokken. I step back, inhale and release my sword in a good arc. As the ritual of meditation continues, I hear the swishing noise of my blade - the wind has started up a bit. It is still a year until my blade will sound like that again in a calm windless room, but this time around it will carry more power to the blow.
My day again has shifted. Shifted as in that I go to bed 0600 AM in the morning and getting up when the daylight hours are gone, I just hope that I can change it...
On the good side, I am reading like a madman - manga and books. I think I read about one or two manga a day and finish the same amount of books during a week. The last two weeks I have read two of Stephen Donaldson Thomas Covenant series and Venus - Norwegian women seen from below. The last title is about Norwegian ladies sexual fantasies and left me almost insomniac after having read it (so much for shattering my lightbulb...).
I have also been listening to audio books instead of my MP3-player. Been refreshing my memories of Edgar Allan Poe, read by Vincent Price and Basil Rathbone - truly magnificent. I miss reading from books aloud, it stopped altogether after I finished school. I tried to read to my nephews the Hobbit some years past, but it didn't work...not the same.
Well, here is a last quote:
"And now was acknowledged the presence of the Red Death.
He had come like a thief in the night.
And one by one dropped the revelers in the blood-bedewed halls of their revel,
and died each in the despairing posture of his fall.
And the life of the ebony clock went out with that of the last of the gay.
And the flames of the tripods expired.
And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all."
Shouldn't be to hard to guess who and which story if you've read it - but do guess...
Waves and hugses
Kael Current Mood: sleepy
|Sunday, December 4th, 2005|
|CHAPTER 53 - SOMETHINGS CANNOT BE SAID OFTEN ENOUGH
A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense.
Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark.
Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts.
Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.
Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 a.m., don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x,y or z.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
You can, too, help yourself. Current Mood: thoughtful
|CHAPTER 51 - NERVES KICKING INN...
I feel ashamed, I who claim that humanity is the living embodiment of change, acknowledge finally fear of change.
Why is it so inherent in man to lie to himself, is the truth truly beyond the comprehension of man?
- Wasteful Kael, Tuesday, 29 of November, 1804, on the train somewhere close to Mariero
I am starting to feel uncertain and nerves are kicking in. Come New Years there is a new path to follow. This should again affirm that the choice I have made is the right one. Every time I head for a LARP which is successful, I have these nerves. Usually, the day before the Live, I don't want to go anymore and when I finally go - I know I am going to love every minute of it.
The only difference is that this time around I will be financially weak with no sure income. I keep telling myself I am at the top of my game, I can go places and get a new job in no time. But, the fear of being unemployed for months at a time scares me. *Sigh*. In the back of my mind I hear:"FIGTHO!FIGTHO!FIGTHOOO!", with a Japanese accent.
"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny" Yoda. Thank heavens it isn't a dark path I am taking ;), so destiny here I come.
I have read the post against rape, and I agree with it wholeheartedly except for one thing - the last sentence which FORCES the opinion upon you. Those final words left me saddened and has prevented me from posting it for several days. I believe that in the fight against the ignorance of the world, it must come from the person themselves to choose opinions. I don't like to be shamed into posting something, I DETEST IT! Now that I have uttered what has caused me pain, I will post those words of wisdom, but not those final words which has shamed me.
Kael Current Mood: thoughtful